Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't to be proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Enigma says it well...Innocence... We all grow up and fantasize about how simple life was when we were young and "innocent" or "if only i could go back in time and do it all over again with the knowledge i have now". We say this in remembrance of what it was like to have this "innocence" and "our lives before us" along with our natural obsession for our lives to be "perfect"... There's just no such thing as a perfect life and until that truth is accepted and understood to its entirety, some peoples "lives" will just get worse. Let's face it, we all are on the everlasting quest for happiness.. to "find ourselves" and to better our lives ALWAYS. When things aren't going so well, we wonder if it's because we're not doing something right and we question and judge ourselves and others around us because we demand a change, a better alternative and because we can "always tell when something is wrong". But i wonder why we have to experience things over and over before we can see things as they REAL-ly are. The answer to that is pretty simple.It's mostly because of hope or chance, or the "what ifs".
While the selflessness of some who put aside their own feelings in order for another to be happy is kind and thoughtful, they aren't being real to themselves. The question is, "Who's doing those things for you?" Most people are kind and selfless because they want someone to be that way with them.. and not because of the whole" do unto other's as you'd have them do unto you " bit, but they believe they are this way "naturally". This is a lot of times because the person is projecting the image they prefer to be known as their ideal selves but it becomes who "that person IS" to others. To individuals like this, if others believe in them as a certain way and the individual surrounds themselves with these "others", then the individual can accept themselves as whatever that which the others accept them as and it becomes "real"to them. A lot of people care too much about what others think to where they're always trying so hard to conceal their true self by projecting an image that they aren't...i.e. not being real to themselves.. People who do this almost always are the one's who do not grasp what it actually means to love themselves. They get too wrapped up in emotions of fear and rejection that they force themselves to hide behind their ideal projected image because it's what is accepted and "known" or understood by the people they are investing their time in or with. They usually spend all their time apologizing when the least little thing doesn't seem to be peachy keen between the person they're involved with at the time and themselves.. or the ideal self they're trying to project. The apology is never even needed, wanted or even deserved because the person receiving the apology hasn't been offended or hurt.. But the one apologizing gets so lost at times between their real feelings and the ones they cover them up with that they feel as if the one they're apologizing to can see right through them- When in reality, ( or the other's reality i should say ), they haven't "seen" them (the real them) in the first place. This usually gets them into an emotional mess filled with negative feelings of hate, worthlessness, loneliness, not to mention a plethora of other self destructive emotions because of the huge contradiction between their own real self and their ideal image. Unfortunately we all have to go through our own "situations" to learn these things.. We don't want to listen to anyone else because our deep emotions and feelings that we perceive are in fact real and no one knows more than we do about our emotions than us. That's pride. We are all human and we all go through similar feelings .. The situations may differ but people and their actions to certain types of behavior are usually based on simple reactive personality traits and this human language is universal. Everything we are is based upon what experiences we have had up until current, and we will never cease to learn new things or new perspectives... The way I look at it all to help me make my decisions is that i ask myself a question.. (also keep in mind I'm aware that i do love and care about myself enough to help myself more easily make some of my decisions). The question is this: Do I care more about getting what i want out of life because i deserve it, or do i possibly wait or put my life on hold in "hopes" or "what ifs" while baring in my mind the possibility of finding out later that I wasted so many chances on my own personal happiness and then the even bigger picture is that i wasted more of my precious life's time on doing so.. and the ULTIMATE WORST.. you can NEVER get that back. That permanence so-to-speak and surety is what makes it so easy for me to find clarity in my "what ifs". Of course it's also helpful to know that i feel confident that I'm truly loved as i have been lucky enough to be united in a deep loving and growing relationship with the same person for quite some time now... That love that we have learned to believe in more than anything along with our own personal confidences and knowledge of our worth ( and for me strictly because i love myself ) has been proven to be REAL.
One could have a perspective that in my "fear" of wasting my life, i can easily chose. Life's all about perspective... We all want to return to innocence, to have love prevail, to have our "special perfectly matched picked from heaven other half" to come home to, to FEEL loved and appreciated the specific way that we idealize. People just need to ask themselves where they get those ideals. If the answer is from what you've seen on a movie or television show or from your perspective based on "word of mouth" in others you may "look up to" , etc.. then there you go - your answer LIES before you. It's not real. It's not our fault that most of us were brought up in a society where the television is your babysitter. In fact it all starts out when we're really young for most of us ( when our deepest emotion we can remember feeling is our "connection" to our mother ). We don't really comprehend why but we know we do feel sadness when our parents are not close by... who wouldn't? Every time we get hurt, we get kissed, hugged or babied... We're read fantasy story books (without understanding what a "fantasy" really is ) and told of a man named Santa Claus , the tooth fairy, etc... It's no wonder we all love to compare reality when it effects us negatively to those feelings of "loving life when we were young"and that a lot of us are so co-dependent on others for our happiness. Well of course you loved life then, and besides what kind of person would you be if you lacked that imagination? It's not our fault that shows and movies manipulate our feelings for their own profit. It's sad. We grow up to learn that we live in a world full of beauty and at the same time so much ugliness has always been there but our parents tried to keep it away from us... and parent's are human too, so you can't blame them for not helping you understand your feelings and what's real and what's ideal. Ultimately you learn to understand what they mean when they say they just wanted what was best for you. That's beautiful. That's LOVE with beautiful intentions. Even if any part of their love is based upon their own selfish wants to live their life over again through you, It's still Real...and in the end.. Real is all that matters. It is ok to make mistakes, & ok to be weak as long as you know how to overcome it with your own strength.. If you're living, then you've found your strength. Don't give up your chance to have what you need for your own happiness. Don't dare to say you love yourself and then allow others to repetitively hurt you by not letting them know how it affects you. By being able to accept that you will make mistakes and that not only is it ok to do so, but part of human nature as well, you will be able to speak what's on your mind. In doing this, you will gain confidence you need and the respect you deserve from the one's that matter. What other's think about your choices matter only if it doesn't matter to you about your choices. Life is way to short to waste it and much more precious than that. It will go on without you in it, so it's up to you to decide what you want to do with your feelings and your health and well being. As cliche and gay flowers and lacy hearts as it sounds, Whitney said it best herself, "learning to love yourself is the Greatest love of all." Too bad she smoked so much crack with Bobby Brown in her life that it made her forget about that.. She even said that " real love is when you have someone who can get your dookie bubble out (referring to Mr. Brown manually lending a "helping hand" in assisting to remove the then Mrs. Houston-Browns constipation "pebble") ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!!!! Um.. Well.. Yeah.. All that singing about "They'll never take away my dignity"... yeah.. you can't take away what you throw away. But then .. she fell in love with someone who got her into crack and Hollywood loved to help her setup her own public disaster.. but she chose her adult path and one could speculate she probably ( most likely ) has her regrets.. but then again it's her life.. She's been "an adult" now for quite sometime and she too can't go back and correct it. BUT - She CAN live a better life for herself if she now so chooses. That's one huge thing that keeps us going and makes life worth living.
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