I have been so stressed lately... I keep seeming to have no time to do anything I need to do. I have a list a mile long of things that I need and want to do. I'll get some extra time and then swoosh! its swiped right from under me.
My first and worst stress of them all: Obtaining a new job where I can "be me" because I don't want to be stuck working at some boring, thankless corporate job for the rest of my life because I am an artist and should be utilizing my talents. I want to have a job that I can look forward to going to every day... one that is closer to home, one that i can feel my worth, one where i don't have to sign into a special auxiliary code on my computer every time I have to go take a piss and then get reprimanded because it took longer than "operations" wanted. Second: One I can't speak about but it involves money and time and perfectionism. Third: I have so many little tasks to do around the house... little things to catch up on... making a website, catching up with all the online social sites, figuring out which pics we want to decorate the house with from our trips and actually going and getting them developed (after the long task of cropping and editing them) ... and the list goes on and on.
Anyway though this is a site about finding beauty in everything and so I must say that I realize that without this stress , I wouldn't be "living" for such is life and the beauty of this situation is that I have things to look forward to and goals to reach... *sigh* like checking off these things on my long list and the accomplishment and feeling of a burden being lifted off my back will be something wonderful.
6.03.2009
9.17.2008
Pootelle ( pronounced "poo - tail" )
So one day my friend Sarah and I went to Zephyrhills to visit a mutual friend and on our way back home, we stopped by the park. There were swing sets and the usual jungle gym and a big man-made lake to where there were many ducks all over the place. So we happened to have some bread in the car with us and started feeding them... Well, a couple minutes into it, we've got ducks surrounding us and we look over and lo and behold, this one white lonely duck starts to swim rapidly over to the land strip where we are and she has this weird thing on her head. It looked as if she was either the duck that the others didn't invite to the party (a sort of ugly duckling situation) or she was the queen bee around those parts from the way that the others scurried away from her. When she stepped upon the shore, the "thing" on her head was a fro of feathers which looked absolutely hilarious to us!...(or it could've been a tumor which wasn't funny at all). So we decided it was a fro because we could not stop laughing! I mean I'm talking falling down to my knees laughing so hard! One thing that made it worse was when she'd peck at the bread her poof of fluff on her head would topple over and back and fourth like it was top heavy! Then, the wind (it must have been one of the three windy days we have yearly in Fl.) would gust over and pull it way back or brush it to the side! This made me fall to the ground! We named her Pootelle. (Its an inside thing) but the name definitely fit. With us both voicing over what it looked like she was saying, we laughed so much at her, that I guess she got a little attitude with us ("stank" as my friend Kaleena would say) and she got back in the water and went all by her lonesome to the other side as if to say "bump dis' sh*t! I shol don't need yo stank ass bread anyways- Nah"! We watched her from behind floating away to the opposite side of the lake and the wind wafting her stupid ball on her head off to the side. It still makes me laugh to this day. You had to be there. The funny thing is that other people have encountered the same coiffed duck because I found Pootelle on Google. She must have opened up a duck salon or something. From the looks of it on Google images, it must be pretty lucrative...
9.16.2008
Why I Love Google
I've got so much love for Google. Its by far the most useful tool on the Internet. I'd probably protest computers if it weren't for Google and its amazing-ness! From Gmail, to Blogspot, to Google maps... and every other wonderful Google gadget, Google has done to the Internet what Apple has done to the world. I am such a Google geek that I even collect the cool Google logos that they create for holidays and special occasions.
Recently I experienced a wonderful Google-ism™(that's my made-up and trademarked word for a Google experience). I was on break at work and had been reminiscing about one of my favorite trips a few years back. This time, we visited Lucerne, Switzerland. On this particular trip, it was starting to get dark and I decided to stroll the old town of Lucerne by myself to explore, look at the architecture and absorb what the city had to offer. Anyway, I stumbled upon this adorable little restaurant and across from it was another interesting building with such beautiful and unique architecture. It was an old pharmacy that dates back to the 1500's. In one of its windows was a miniature display of what a pharmacy would've looked like in the medieval days and I fell in love with it. I also made sure to later eat at that restaurant with my sweetheart so we could experience the unique charm it held together and now it is one of our many sweet memories on our travels.
So... years later, I'm thinking about how I wish so badly that my camera would've been working on that trip so I could have a picture of it now. I thought " hey I'll Google it". The only problem is that I don't speak the language and have absolutely no idea what road it was on or what the place was even called so this is what I did. First I tried for days looking up different keywords I thought may bring it up in Google images like anyone else would've done, then I thought to use Google maps and my hunt was official. I was determined to find at least one pic of that window and that restaurant that day! Google maps street view doesn't work (yet) in Lucerne, Switzerland so I looked at an aerial view of it and wrote down all the long German/Suisse names of streets that I thought it was around based on my memory of landmarks close by when I was there. Within a few combinations with some of the street names and the keywords, I found it! I found the restaurant and the old pharmacy window across from it! I was so happy to see that some other "sand grain" in this big world had found that same random window and uploaded it and others from close by as well to add even more of a smile to my face. I now have the name of the restaurant and the pharmacy and some history on the place as well and can find the pics whenever I need them. It was like a "hallmark "style commercial for Google that day. Yeah, I even got tiny tears of joy. It was that touching.
Recently I experienced a wonderful Google-ism™(that's my made-up and trademarked word for a Google experience). I was on break at work and had been reminiscing about one of my favorite trips a few years back. This time, we visited Lucerne, Switzerland. On this particular trip, it was starting to get dark and I decided to stroll the old town of Lucerne by myself to explore, look at the architecture and absorb what the city had to offer. Anyway, I stumbled upon this adorable little restaurant and across from it was another interesting building with such beautiful and unique architecture. It was an old pharmacy that dates back to the 1500's. In one of its windows was a miniature display of what a pharmacy would've looked like in the medieval days and I fell in love with it. I also made sure to later eat at that restaurant with my sweetheart so we could experience the unique charm it held together and now it is one of our many sweet memories on our travels.
So... years later, I'm thinking about how I wish so badly that my camera would've been working on that trip so I could have a picture of it now. I thought " hey I'll Google it". The only problem is that I don't speak the language and have absolutely no idea what road it was on or what the place was even called so this is what I did. First I tried for days looking up different keywords I thought may bring it up in Google images like anyone else would've done, then I thought to use Google maps and my hunt was official. I was determined to find at least one pic of that window and that restaurant that day! Google maps street view doesn't work (yet) in Lucerne, Switzerland so I looked at an aerial view of it and wrote down all the long German/Suisse names of streets that I thought it was around based on my memory of landmarks close by when I was there. Within a few combinations with some of the street names and the keywords, I found it! I found the restaurant and the old pharmacy window across from it! I was so happy to see that some other "sand grain" in this big world had found that same random window and uploaded it and others from close by as well to add even more of a smile to my face. I now have the name of the restaurant and the pharmacy and some history on the place as well and can find the pics whenever I need them. It was like a "hallmark "style commercial for Google that day. Yeah, I even got tiny tears of joy. It was that touching.
Thank you Google. You are the best.
4.14.2008
Cute Quote For Today...
"People do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
4.11.2008
Charles Schultz Philosophy
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read it straight through, and you'll get the point.
1.) Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2.) Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3.) Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4.) Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5.) Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6.) Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1.) List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2.) Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3.) Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4.) Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5.) Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .
Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care . Aren't Friends and Family Great !?!
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia "
- Charles Schultz
1.) Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2.) Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3.) Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4.) Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5.) Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6.) Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1.) List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2.) Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3.) Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4.) Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5.) Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .
Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care . Aren't Friends and Family Great !?!
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia "
- Charles Schultz
4.03.2008
4.02.2008
Bags In The Wind
none of these awesome photography shots were by me. I found them on a really nice photography site in google images.
One of my all time favorite things has always been when a gust of wind carries a plastic bag, paper, leaves or whatever all around in circular motion and up in the air as if to float like a balloon across the sky. Its beautiful and its hilarious at the same time. I couldn't begin to try to explain to you why it makes me laugh but it does. When i saw that part of the movie American Beauty where the boy who appreciates beauty in life shows his girlfriend a homemade video of a bag twirling in the wind, i grew this huge smile on my heart. I connected myself with his character and felt like that part of the movie was made especially for me because its one of those random things in life to which i believed i was the only one who truly appreciated it.
The following are great quotes from the movie that truly found me:
"When you see something like that [a dead person], it's like God is looking right at you, just for a second. And if you're careful you can look right back.""And what do you see?""Beauty."
"It was one of those days, where it's a minute away from snowing. And there's this electricity in the air. You can almost hear it, right? And this bag was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes!"That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things. And this incredibly benevolent Force wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid. Ever!""Video's a poor excuse, I know. but it helps me remember. I need to remember."
4.01.2008
North Carolina Nature Nostalgia
The Dogwood Tree
The North Carolina State Flower is otherwise known as the Dogwood. Growing up in North Carolina, it's no wonder why this tree is my favorite (along with the weeping willow) . Its beautiful flowers fall to the ground much like the token cherry blossoms in most Asian inspired movie scenes. When I was little, living in North Carolina, we had a charming roofed lounge-swing in our backyard that my father built for my mom and canopying over it was a beautiful dogwood. The sight of a dogwood always takes me there and brings back so many happy memories. We would swing together while the cool breeze would sway the nearby forest that bordered our backyard.
According to legend, Jesus Christ was crucified on a dogwood tree. Because of his compassion for the dogwood and so that it would no longer be used as an instrument of crucifixion, Jesus decreed that it should become a smaller tree and that its petals should bear the marks of the nail prints in his hands. This, says tradition, resulted in the rust-colored touches around the notches in the branches. So prominent has this legend become that it is the only thing many people think of when they see the dogwood today. But, it should be noted that this is only fictitious tradition. The Bible says nothing of the sort. The Bible does not identify the type of tree used in his execution. Maybe because the type of tree is of little or no importance. What is important is what his sacrificial death means. According to the Bible, His death is a ransom paid for our sinful condition brought on by the willful sin of our first human father, Adam. Again, this is just a "legend." It is a nice story, but there is no Biblical basis to it. The legend of the dogwood tree is very likely not accurate.
...and while on the topic of North Carolina and its wonders...
The Emerald
Anyone who knows me well is very aware of my obsession with jewels and gems and precious stones, as I've mentioned in previous posts. One of my many favorites is the emerald. I was in a nostalgic mood so i decided to surf Google for North Carolina things and I found out that the General Assembly of 1973 designated the emerald as the official State Precious Stone. A greater variety of minerals, more than 300, have been found in North Carolina than in any other state. These minerals include some of the most valuable and unique gems in the world. The largest Emerald ever found in North Carolina was 1,438 carats and was found at Hiddenite, near Statesville. The "Carolina Emerald," now owned by Tiffany & Company of New York was also found at Hiddenite in 1970. When cut to 13.14 carats, the stone was valued at the time at $100,000 and became the largest and finest cut emerald on the continent.
...and then there's the wild berries...
The wild strawberry
These little babies grow everywhere, usually combined in bright green clover patches with mini white and yellow blossoms, they're more vibrant in color than your average strawberry and i still don't know if you can eat them, however i always wanted to.
...and wild blackberries...
I still love to hunt for blackberries. I loved those childhood days where we would be playing outside and get hungry and just walk over to any wild blackberry bush and eat the most plump, juiciest berries. Our hands would be stained blood-fuchsia, appetites would be all kinds of spoiled for when Mom and Dad would call on us to come in for dinner. Good times.. good times.
The Giant Southern Magnolia Tree and the multi colored Crepe Myrtles were also another fave of mine. Outside my childhood church and school, stood many tall magnolia trees and flowering crepe myrtles.
I used to love to hurry outside at recess or after a church sermon and smell the sweet fragrant magnolias in the wind. The same wind would blow billions of different colored crepe myrtle blossoms everywhere. We used the magnolia buds as grenades and sweetgum trees spiky ball seeds as bombs. I would also get my hands full of maple seeds (helicopter seeds) or known by me as little habeetletina naked angels (don't ask) and throw them up in the air just to watch the millions of little "helicopters" spin down to the giant landing field (the grass).
Honeysuckles gathered on many of the fences at school and I loved to pull out the stamen and eat the drops of nectar. Yeah I know I'm a dork. So's your mom.
I can never forget the coolest bug ever. The lightning bug or firefly is one of the most amazing creatures to me. I loved it when it was amost dark out and it was as if the night creatures were coming out to roam the earth- you'd see little orange and yellow glows all in the forest and sometimes they would "light" on you and i would place them in jars and sit there mesmerized by thier unique beauty...
There's alot more but these were/are just "a few of my favorite things" growing up.
The North Carolina State Flower is otherwise known as the Dogwood. Growing up in North Carolina, it's no wonder why this tree is my favorite (along with the weeping willow) . Its beautiful flowers fall to the ground much like the token cherry blossoms in most Asian inspired movie scenes. When I was little, living in North Carolina, we had a charming roofed lounge-swing in our backyard that my father built for my mom and canopying over it was a beautiful dogwood. The sight of a dogwood always takes me there and brings back so many happy memories. We would swing together while the cool breeze would sway the nearby forest that bordered our backyard.
According to legend, Jesus Christ was crucified on a dogwood tree. Because of his compassion for the dogwood and so that it would no longer be used as an instrument of crucifixion, Jesus decreed that it should become a smaller tree and that its petals should bear the marks of the nail prints in his hands. This, says tradition, resulted in the rust-colored touches around the notches in the branches. So prominent has this legend become that it is the only thing many people think of when they see the dogwood today. But, it should be noted that this is only fictitious tradition. The Bible says nothing of the sort. The Bible does not identify the type of tree used in his execution. Maybe because the type of tree is of little or no importance. What is important is what his sacrificial death means. According to the Bible, His death is a ransom paid for our sinful condition brought on by the willful sin of our first human father, Adam. Again, this is just a "legend." It is a nice story, but there is no Biblical basis to it. The legend of the dogwood tree is very likely not accurate.
...and while on the topic of North Carolina and its wonders...
The Emerald
Anyone who knows me well is very aware of my obsession with jewels and gems and precious stones, as I've mentioned in previous posts. One of my many favorites is the emerald. I was in a nostalgic mood so i decided to surf Google for North Carolina things and I found out that the General Assembly of 1973 designated the emerald as the official State Precious Stone. A greater variety of minerals, more than 300, have been found in North Carolina than in any other state. These minerals include some of the most valuable and unique gems in the world. The largest Emerald ever found in North Carolina was 1,438 carats and was found at Hiddenite, near Statesville. The "Carolina Emerald," now owned by Tiffany & Company of New York was also found at Hiddenite in 1970. When cut to 13.14 carats, the stone was valued at the time at $100,000 and became the largest and finest cut emerald on the continent.
...and then there's the wild berries...
The wild strawberry
These little babies grow everywhere, usually combined in bright green clover patches with mini white and yellow blossoms, they're more vibrant in color than your average strawberry and i still don't know if you can eat them, however i always wanted to.
...and wild blackberries...
I still love to hunt for blackberries. I loved those childhood days where we would be playing outside and get hungry and just walk over to any wild blackberry bush and eat the most plump, juiciest berries. Our hands would be stained blood-fuchsia, appetites would be all kinds of spoiled for when Mom and Dad would call on us to come in for dinner. Good times.. good times.
The Giant Southern Magnolia Tree and the multi colored Crepe Myrtles were also another fave of mine. Outside my childhood church and school, stood many tall magnolia trees and flowering crepe myrtles.
I used to love to hurry outside at recess or after a church sermon and smell the sweet fragrant magnolias in the wind. The same wind would blow billions of different colored crepe myrtle blossoms everywhere. We used the magnolia buds as grenades and sweetgum trees spiky ball seeds as bombs. I would also get my hands full of maple seeds (helicopter seeds) or known by me as little habeetletina naked angels (don't ask) and throw them up in the air just to watch the millions of little "helicopters" spin down to the giant landing field (the grass).
Honeysuckles gathered on many of the fences at school and I loved to pull out the stamen and eat the drops of nectar. Yeah I know I'm a dork. So's your mom.
I can never forget the coolest bug ever. The lightning bug or firefly is one of the most amazing creatures to me. I loved it when it was amost dark out and it was as if the night creatures were coming out to roam the earth- you'd see little orange and yellow glows all in the forest and sometimes they would "light" on you and i would place them in jars and sit there mesmerized by thier unique beauty...
There's alot more but these were/are just "a few of my favorite things" growing up.
3.31.2008
Oceanic Oriental Supermarket
Located in downtown Tampa sits a really convenient Asian supermarket to which i like to frequent called Oceanic Supermarket. I like to go and stock up on my favorite popular Asian beverage, Aquapure's Honey Green Tea.
We visited Hong Kong some years back and i discovered this drink. It was so very hot and humid when we went and i was really thirsty. We went to some little convenient store and though I had no idea what it was I tested this specific beverage because it had a little kawaii (see previous post "super kawaii") honeybee on it and i figured it would be sweetened with honey. Note that I had tried a few other drinks there prior to my new found treasure and I still haven't acquired the taste of dingy panty water, rubber bands and tree roots that those other drinks reeked of but hey i wouldn't have found this wonderful drink if it weren't for that little trial and error.
It smells like honey suckle nectar- kinda tastes like it too. It consists, of honey, green tea, jasmine, water, and very little sugar. I almost don't want to post this because I'm afraid someone will go there and buy it all when they taste how good it is.
But its definitely a fave, so here's a pic of it.
We visited Hong Kong some years back and i discovered this drink. It was so very hot and humid when we went and i was really thirsty. We went to some little convenient store and though I had no idea what it was I tested this specific beverage because it had a little kawaii (see previous post "super kawaii") honeybee on it and i figured it would be sweetened with honey. Note that I had tried a few other drinks there prior to my new found treasure and I still haven't acquired the taste of dingy panty water, rubber bands and tree roots that those other drinks reeked of but hey i wouldn't have found this wonderful drink if it weren't for that little trial and error.
It smells like honey suckle nectar- kinda tastes like it too. It consists, of honey, green tea, jasmine, water, and very little sugar. I almost don't want to post this because I'm afraid someone will go there and buy it all when they taste how good it is.
But its definitely a fave, so here's a pic of it.
To be a republican, you need to believe the following :
1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which
tens of thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet .
13. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
14. You support 'Executive Privilege' for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)
15. Support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
_____________________________________
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
"You can't be Pro-war and Pro-life at the same time"
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which
tens of thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet .
13. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
14. You support 'Executive Privilege' for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)
15. Support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
_____________________________________
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
"You can't be Pro-war and Pro-life at the same time"
3.27.2008
Herbs in my kitchen
Anyone who knows me, knows i love Ikea. I just recently bought these cool white porcelain containers (they resemble eggs) and placed them in my kitchen to grow herbs in. They are in the Ikea catalogue in some pictures used as utensil holders, others just for plants and they have a hole on the back of them so you can hang them from the nifty wall rail to which i also got a cutting board and some extra hooks to hang spoons and etc on. Anyway the simple little addition of greenery can spruce up any kitchen a big notch. I bought peppermint and cilantro. It smells really nice and clean when you come in and it looks so cool.
Fluffy Pretty
Yeah yeah yeah... it's sad about the animals being skinned but isn't it pretty? Ikea had some sheep's skin for $20 or at least, they did. Now they're bigger and more expensive if you visit the site now. You can buy alot of them and create a huge rug or just be like me and buy one just because its nice to touch. Its fluffy pretty.
Mossy Pretty
Moss. Not Kate. Just Moss. Moss is beautiful. It makes me wish i were a smurf and i could landscape my home with it as my grass or make a bed of it. When i do finally have my garden one day, i will definitely place alot of it everywhere... Lots of bright green moss. My own miniature little Ireland. When people get rid of it and remove it from their landscaping, it makes me mad. There's so many beautiful colors and types of moss on our amazing earth. Come on- embrace the moss, guys.
3.26.2008
Super Kawaii 可愛い
I fell in love with Japan when i visited a few years back. Everyone came across as incredibly respectful and kind, the landscapes were absolutely exquisite, but besides the comfort in its amazing beauty, what intrigued me the most was its "cuteness". Everywhere you look is a cute little cartoon character as their symbols for anything and everything. From toilet seat logos to bigwig corporations, everywhere was filled with kawaii. On the buildings, signs, groceries, vehichles and everywhere else in Tokyo, businessman's cell phones, little old ladies' purses, on everyones key chains, as well as many clothes and accessories on women (and men) would be adorned with some cute little japanime or cute cartoon character, animal or charm. Some years before then, we visited China and i saw similar logos and cuteness that i thought at the time was very different and interesting and it made it seem so peaceful and happy like surreal like an asian pleasantville. Having been exposed to Sanrio and Japanimation when i was younger in school, i collected these types of things because i thought they were cool and interesting. It was as of then officially socially acceptable for adults to have toys and have an interest in them... This really worked(s) out for the child in me. I had to enter this in the Finding Beauty page because to me, kawaii is a clever way of creating and maintaining what is at least projected as a unique, happy, positive and harmonious coveted-by-many culture and thats beautiful.
The following is the definition of "Kawaii" found on Wikipedia :
Since the 1970's, cuteness (可愛さ, kawaisa) has become a prominent aspect of Japanese popular culture, entertainment, clothing, food, toys, personal appearance, behavior, and mannerisms. Foreign observers often find this cuteness intriguing and sometimes strange because the Japanese employ it in a vast array of situations and demographics where, in other cultures, it would be considered incongruously juvenile or frivolous (for example, in government publications, public service warnings, office environments, military advertisements, and commercial airliners, among many others).
Cute elements can be found almost everywhere in Japan, from big business to corner markets and national government, ward, and town offices. Many companies, large and small, use cute mascots to present their wares and services to the public.
Cute merchandise is extremely popular in Japan. The two largest manufacturers of such merchandise are Sanrio (manufacturers of "Hello Kitty") and San-X (manufacturers of "Kogepan", "Nyan Nyan Nyanko" and "Rilakkuma"). This character merchandise is a hit with Japanese children and adults alike.
Cute can be also used to describe a specific fashion sense of an individual, and generally includes clothing that appears to be made for young children, outside of the size, or clothing that accentuates the cuteness of the individual wearing the clothing. Ruffles and pastel colors are commonly (but not always) featured, and accessories often include toys or bags featuring anime characters.
As a cultural phenomenon, cuteness is increasingly accepted in Japan as a part of Japanese culture and national identity. Tomoyuki Sugiyama, author of " Cool Japan", believes that "cuteness" is rooted in Japan's harmony-loving culture, and Nobuyoshi Kurita, a sociology professor at Musashi University in Tokyo, has stated that "cute" is a "magic term" that encompasses everything that's acceptable and desirable in Japan.
On the other hand, those skeptical of cuteness consider it a sign of an infantile mentality. In particular, Hiroto Murasawa, professor of beauty and culture at Osaka Shoin Women’s University asserts that cuteness is "a mentality that breeds non-assertion ... Individuals who choose to stand out get beaten down."
Cute merchandise and products are especially popular in some parts of east Asia, such as China, Hong Kong, Taiwan and Singapore.
In some Asian and western cultures, the Japanese word for cute (kawaii, 可愛い) has joined a number of other Japanese words borrowed by overseas fans of Japanese pop culture often in the wrong context. While the usage is almost entirely limited to the otaku subculture, it has been used by American singer Gwen Stefani, who gave kawaii a brief mention in her Hollaback Girl music video.
The influence of cuteness and manga has also been adopted by several North American businesses.
Oh the need for something... American Indian
OK... before i start i need to let you know that i am Irish, Scottish and American Seminole Indian. Now that that's out of the way, I just gotta give my opinion on something: Southwestern and Indian motif. OK, so i get the whole turquoise and interesting artifacts, and animal skins and stuff...and I completely appreciate the culture, the flutes, the art and kindheartedness of the typical American Indian. The one thing I just don't understand is Southwestern Indian Stores. No one buys this stuff. I was just recently on vacation and on our stopover in the Newark NJ airport, while strolling past the usual greasy-grub "restaurants"/bars, Sunglass Huts, newspaper stands and Starbucks, there was this lonely, good sized southwestern store. To no surprise, the only person in the store was a cashier standing there with a "i hate my life" look across his face. I stood across the hall from the store and watched him clean the glass on the jewelry counter... perhaps someone would get flashed in their eye from the glare on that clean glass and this would coax them to enter and remember that whilst awaiting their connection flight, this was the perfect opportunity to purchase that giant ugly teal and terracotta southwestern rug they had been looking for. Or maybe grandma could buy one of those intricately beaded kokopelli dolls for the now on sale price of $295 for little Suzie who will be whining that grandma didn't bring her anything from her 37 th trip to the United States of America. Really? Wow. Why? In dry Nevada or New Mexico or Arizona, this i could see as more profitable and yes of course, stereotypical- but in the armpit of America- Newark New Jersey...Airport? Again, I'm not understanding.
10.20.2007
Collecting Quotes...
life is not about each breath you take but about the moments that take your breath away.
10.16.2007
Betch, Deck & Shet
Im sure most of you out there have seen Liam Kyle Sullivan's "Shoes" or "Let me borrow that top" many times on YouTube. Its hilarious.. He's made many other funny videos as well. I admire him for being able to make something silly that he created into something popular.. That's some Longevity=). Funny thing is that I'm a little jealous.. see, when i was in highschool I used to say stupid words in jest and one of them was in fact -"Betch", and "Shet" and "Deck" all the time.. and he uses these words in his videos.. I kinda feel like he took "my" words and made them popluar.. Its stupid and gay but to me...they're my words, betch! =) When we ( my sister and i ) were younger, we used to have a cat who had three babies. I didn't really give her a definite name until she was pregnant (the neighborhood little whore that she was) and as her belly got fat and her "ninnies" (southern for tit) got long and droopy i realized that her name was definitely "Ninny". The three lil babes I named Betch, Batch and Biltch... They were sweet , Then my parents thought it would be sweet to get rid of them and drive them somewhere and drop them off ... =( Betch!
6.01.2007
Something New
... So, I haven't written in three months. I have my reasons.. We moved to our first home - a new condo downtown. Its Gorgeous... 2 BR 2 BA , + office , + art room area, dark hardwood floors and dark granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, the whole sha-bang... Its a very open, 20 or more foot ceiling, 2 story penthouse loft with great lighting from big windows and a balcony that overlooks the river and faces the famous florida sunset. It has roof access to where a true bohemian-hearted being can find tranquility upon overlooking a panoramic view of Tampa and all its own magic. I love it and am very excited to decorate it! We just painted part of the upstairs last Memorial Day weekend... some accent walls to define the space so-to-speak.. We're going to go for the feel and look of simple-sleek urban loft with Scandanavian-Asian influences. The only con to this place is that it totally lacks storage room so we're going to have to get a little creative on that issue... Oh, and our precious little sweetheart of a toy min-pin insists on painting random places on the baseboard a nice burnt yellow hue... Thank God for 409 Carpet Spray and Clorox Cleanup!
3.16.2007
Infidelity
Infidelity - what an ugly feeling this word gives most people who have experienced its ugly reality. I say "most people" because statistics show that half of the people in marriages have at least one during the course of their relationship (and that statistic isn't even counting the couples who have been together for a long relationship without their little legal piece of paper that constitues their unification. This is really sad when you figure that half of a couple is one, therefore, meaning that in most relationships, one cheats at least once...or at least one could perceive that's what it means. Infidelity is so common that most courts in the great U. S. of A. do not even consider it grounds for divorce or property settlements (i said most- however there are some exceptions). That being said, just because it's so common doen't mean it isn't traumatic.
I found this great article on infidelity and wanted to post it here.
Infidelity
There are varieties of infidelity; this article is about sexual and emotional infidelity in a monogamous relationship. Some distinction should be drawn between adultery and infidelity. Adultery concerns the religious and legal aspects of marriage. Infidelity is a secret relationship outside the primary relationship involving lies to avoid a partner’s anticipated objection. Although sexual infidelity is the most common, many spouses complain of emotional infidelity which involves flirtation or furtive sexual innuendo, but no intercourse.
The betrayal of trust and the accompanying lies are probably the most difficult aspects a spouse must deal with. The lies create disorientation for the betrayed spouse caused by the desire of the unfaithful spouse to avoid confrontation and the unavoidable unpleasantness that follows revelation of an affair. As the betrayed spouse, you likely think you’re going crazy because you "feel" something is wrong; however, because your spouse is denying it you’re left in the purgatory of conflicting feelings.
Surviving infidelity is an act of courage. Survival can take various courses: you may elect to stay together with your spouse/partner and try to work out the underlying issues, or you may elect to leave the relationship. If you’re trying to work out your relationship, I hope you’re doing it with professional help. I don’t know too many couples that can work through serious issues on their own. If the relationship is over and you’re on your own, individual counseling certainly wouldn’t hurt. However, there are some things you can do for yourself:
Journal your feelings. This serves to get your emotions out of yourself and onto something tangible … paper or computer screen. If you’re newly raw, I recommend writing by hand with old-fashioned pen and paper which helps to physically discharge pent up energy. Keep this up until you feel "empty", which may be a while. Be patient with yourself … this takes time.
Expect a gamut of emotions, among them anger, sadness, futility, despair, rage, depression, guilt and probably no small amount of self-pity. Be kind to yourself and let those feelings be there. Experiencing feelings is something many people run from, which isn’t healthy. Own your feelings. The sooner you do, the sooner they’ll depart.
If you’ve been betrayed by an infidelity, know that it is terribly unfair. Also know that your future is in your hands and what you do next will affect the rest of your life, not to mention your family’s. If you’re still in the relationship, as difficult as it may seem, try your best not to react from a platform of anger. Convey your hurt but don’t lash out. The person at fault has no doubt lied to avoid your anger and will continue to duck it as much as possible. Open up a dialogue for the purpose of either repairing the relationship or moving on. If your relationship is over and you’re still hurting, get help to resolve the left over issues. And take heart, you’re not alone.
I found this great article on infidelity and wanted to post it here.
Infidelity
There are varieties of infidelity; this article is about sexual and emotional infidelity in a monogamous relationship. Some distinction should be drawn between adultery and infidelity. Adultery concerns the religious and legal aspects of marriage. Infidelity is a secret relationship outside the primary relationship involving lies to avoid a partner’s anticipated objection. Although sexual infidelity is the most common, many spouses complain of emotional infidelity which involves flirtation or furtive sexual innuendo, but no intercourse.
The betrayal of trust and the accompanying lies are probably the most difficult aspects a spouse must deal with. The lies create disorientation for the betrayed spouse caused by the desire of the unfaithful spouse to avoid confrontation and the unavoidable unpleasantness that follows revelation of an affair. As the betrayed spouse, you likely think you’re going crazy because you "feel" something is wrong; however, because your spouse is denying it you’re left in the purgatory of conflicting feelings.
Surviving infidelity is an act of courage. Survival can take various courses: you may elect to stay together with your spouse/partner and try to work out the underlying issues, or you may elect to leave the relationship. If you’re trying to work out your relationship, I hope you’re doing it with professional help. I don’t know too many couples that can work through serious issues on their own. If the relationship is over and you’re on your own, individual counseling certainly wouldn’t hurt. However, there are some things you can do for yourself:
Journal your feelings. This serves to get your emotions out of yourself and onto something tangible … paper or computer screen. If you’re newly raw, I recommend writing by hand with old-fashioned pen and paper which helps to physically discharge pent up energy. Keep this up until you feel "empty", which may be a while. Be patient with yourself … this takes time.
Expect a gamut of emotions, among them anger, sadness, futility, despair, rage, depression, guilt and probably no small amount of self-pity. Be kind to yourself and let those feelings be there. Experiencing feelings is something many people run from, which isn’t healthy. Own your feelings. The sooner you do, the sooner they’ll depart.
If you’ve been betrayed by an infidelity, know that it is terribly unfair. Also know that your future is in your hands and what you do next will affect the rest of your life, not to mention your family’s. If you’re still in the relationship, as difficult as it may seem, try your best not to react from a platform of anger. Convey your hurt but don’t lash out. The person at fault has no doubt lied to avoid your anger and will continue to duck it as much as possible. Open up a dialogue for the purpose of either repairing the relationship or moving on. If your relationship is over and you’re still hurting, get help to resolve the left over issues. And take heart, you’re not alone.
3.05.2007
Oh.. To Fit In...
Poor Herbie... His "friends" made fun of him and called him a misfit because he "didn't fit in". This made Herbie sad and reclusive.
My friends love to drink. They, like most adults and young adults refer to "fun" as getting together and drinking thier inhibitions away. I too, like to experience this so-called "fun" every once in a while.. though I feel if it weren't for my friends, I probably wouldn't do it at all. It's thier choice. It's their lives. Anymore, I've just referred to the old saying " If you can't beat 'em, join em" understanding but this type of "fun" still gets on my nerves from time to time.. especially when it affects me directly. I look at drinking like this... I don't see a problem with it in itself.. I see a problem with the road it can lead to. For example, if you say you don't have a drinking problem when you can go out to drink four days in one week, you're lying to yourself. If you ever catch yourself defending the bitter pissy taste as "an aquired taste"... then ask yourself why you ever started drinking in the first place. If you can't recall your actual thought and or reasoning during that time, but are able to remember the visuals of what was around you, ie. where you were , what others were doing etc.. then you just started doing "because everyone else was". Everyone ( i assume ) has enough intelligence to know that alcohol is an addictive drug. It alters your perception of reality and has many negative side effects. It can basically give you an excuse to be a different person than who you are when you're sober, thus making bad decisions, hurting the one's you love and therefore painting a negative image of yourself to the one's you make these excuses for your drinking and it's "consequences" to. I've been to all sorts of parties and all you see is an image of everyone "getting along" and having "fun". When in reality, if all the same people were put in the same room with no alcohol, one could probably speculate that it would take a while before everyone was feeling ok to feel comfortable enough to actually be themsleves. To me, this is sad. I probably seem so judgemental so i just want to say I know this because i've done it as well. I've made stupid choices when alcohol was involved. I just feel i see this bigger picture and i care alot for the ones I love and hold dear to me. If you can think about times you've done things that hurt someone else and your excuse was something like " i know it's a lame excuse but, i was drunk", then obviously you have the intelligence in you to know that it's your choice of where you put your drinking "fun" on your priority list. I wonder how comfortable someone can be with reality and thier true real self if the majority of my "fun" free time i share with them, i recall drinks involved. You hear it at work, you hear it in movies , television, everywhere.. "oh i can't wait to get outta here for happy hour at (*fill in a bar-restaurant-billiard's name here*)!"... or "Oh wow, I'm so stressed out i "NEED" a drink!" etc... Who need's a drink? If you "need" a drink, you've got issues with alcohol. If you go to a place that sells food as well as drinks and your beverage that you choose to enjoy with your food has alcohol in it, then you have an alcohol issue. See, obviously you've become addicted to it's taste, the way it makes you feel, or something you think you're having the life that you have seen so many times to be glorified by hollywood or in ads where everyones smiling and "having a great time". If this is the life you chose for yourself, great. If it starts to affect me in a negative way personally as in, affecting my personal time with you (i.e. - a promise you've made me or to us) etc, that's where i have a problem.
3.02.2007
Life IS way too short.
Love, Devotion, Feeling Emotion...
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't to be proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Enigma says it well...Innocence... We all grow up and fantasize about how simple life was when we were young and "innocent" or "if only i could go back in time and do it all over again with the knowledge i have now". We say this in remembrance of what it was like to have this "innocence" and "our lives before us" along with our natural obsession for our lives to be "perfect"... There's just no such thing as a perfect life and until that truth is accepted and understood to its entirety, some peoples "lives" will just get worse. Let's face it, we all are on the everlasting quest for happiness.. to "find ourselves" and to better our lives ALWAYS. When things aren't going so well, we wonder if it's because we're not doing something right and we question and judge ourselves and others around us because we demand a change, a better alternative and because we can "always tell when something is wrong". But i wonder why we have to experience things over and over before we can see things as they REAL-ly are. The answer to that is pretty simple.It's mostly because of hope or chance, or the "what ifs".
While the selflessness of some who put aside their own feelings in order for another to be happy is kind and thoughtful, they aren't being real to themselves. The question is, "Who's doing those things for you?" Most people are kind and selfless because they want someone to be that way with them.. and not because of the whole" do unto other's as you'd have them do unto you " bit, but they believe they are this way "naturally". This is a lot of times because the person is projecting the image they prefer to be known as their ideal selves but it becomes who "that person IS" to others. To individuals like this, if others believe in them as a certain way and the individual surrounds themselves with these "others", then the individual can accept themselves as whatever that which the others accept them as and it becomes "real"to them. A lot of people care too much about what others think to where they're always trying so hard to conceal their true self by projecting an image that they aren't...i.e. not being real to themselves.. People who do this almost always are the one's who do not grasp what it actually means to love themselves. They get too wrapped up in emotions of fear and rejection that they force themselves to hide behind their ideal projected image because it's what is accepted and "known" or understood by the people they are investing their time in or with. They usually spend all their time apologizing when the least little thing doesn't seem to be peachy keen between the person they're involved with at the time and themselves.. or the ideal self they're trying to project. The apology is never even needed, wanted or even deserved because the person receiving the apology hasn't been offended or hurt.. But the one apologizing gets so lost at times between their real feelings and the ones they cover them up with that they feel as if the one they're apologizing to can see right through them- When in reality, ( or the other's reality i should say ), they haven't "seen" them (the real them) in the first place. This usually gets them into an emotional mess filled with negative feelings of hate, worthlessness, loneliness, not to mention a plethora of other self destructive emotions because of the huge contradiction between their own real self and their ideal image. Unfortunately we all have to go through our own "situations" to learn these things.. We don't want to listen to anyone else because our deep emotions and feelings that we perceive are in fact real and no one knows more than we do about our emotions than us. That's pride. We are all human and we all go through similar feelings .. The situations may differ but people and their actions to certain types of behavior are usually based on simple reactive personality traits and this human language is universal. Everything we are is based upon what experiences we have had up until current, and we will never cease to learn new things or new perspectives... The way I look at it all to help me make my decisions is that i ask myself a question.. (also keep in mind I'm aware that i do love and care about myself enough to help myself more easily make some of my decisions). The question is this: Do I care more about getting what i want out of life because i deserve it, or do i possibly wait or put my life on hold in "hopes" or "what ifs" while baring in my mind the possibility of finding out later that I wasted so many chances on my own personal happiness and then the even bigger picture is that i wasted more of my precious life's time on doing so.. and the ULTIMATE WORST.. you can NEVER get that back. That permanence so-to-speak and surety is what makes it so easy for me to find clarity in my "what ifs". Of course it's also helpful to know that i feel confident that I'm truly loved as i have been lucky enough to be united in a deep loving and growing relationship with the same person for quite some time now... That love that we have learned to believe in more than anything along with our own personal confidences and knowledge of our worth ( and for me strictly because i love myself ) has been proven to be REAL.
One could have a perspective that in my "fear" of wasting my life, i can easily chose. Life's all about perspective... We all want to return to innocence, to have love prevail, to have our "special perfectly matched picked from heaven other half" to come home to, to FEEL loved and appreciated the specific way that we idealize. People just need to ask themselves where they get those ideals. If the answer is from what you've seen on a movie or television show or from your perspective based on "word of mouth" in others you may "look up to" , etc.. then there you go - your answer LIES before you. It's not real. It's not our fault that most of us were brought up in a society where the television is your babysitter. In fact it all starts out when we're really young for most of us ( when our deepest emotion we can remember feeling is our "connection" to our mother ). We don't really comprehend why but we know we do feel sadness when our parents are not close by... who wouldn't? Every time we get hurt, we get kissed, hugged or babied... We're read fantasy story books (without understanding what a "fantasy" really is ) and told of a man named Santa Claus , the tooth fairy, etc... It's no wonder we all love to compare reality when it effects us negatively to those feelings of "loving life when we were young"and that a lot of us are so co-dependent on others for our happiness. Well of course you loved life then, and besides what kind of person would you be if you lacked that imagination? It's not our fault that shows and movies manipulate our feelings for their own profit. It's sad. We grow up to learn that we live in a world full of beauty and at the same time so much ugliness has always been there but our parents tried to keep it away from us... and parent's are human too, so you can't blame them for not helping you understand your feelings and what's real and what's ideal. Ultimately you learn to understand what they mean when they say they just wanted what was best for you. That's beautiful. That's LOVE with beautiful intentions. Even if any part of their love is based upon their own selfish wants to live their life over again through you, It's still Real...and in the end.. Real is all that matters. It is ok to make mistakes, & ok to be weak as long as you know how to overcome it with your own strength.. If you're living, then you've found your strength. Don't give up your chance to have what you need for your own happiness. Don't dare to say you love yourself and then allow others to repetitively hurt you by not letting them know how it affects you. By being able to accept that you will make mistakes and that not only is it ok to do so, but part of human nature as well, you will be able to speak what's on your mind. In doing this, you will gain confidence you need and the respect you deserve from the one's that matter. What other's think about your choices matter only if it doesn't matter to you about your choices. Life is way to short to waste it and much more precious than that. It will go on without you in it, so it's up to you to decide what you want to do with your feelings and your health and well being. As cliche and gay flowers and lacy hearts as it sounds, Whitney said it best herself, "learning to love yourself is the Greatest love of all." Too bad she smoked so much crack with Bobby Brown in her life that it made her forget about that.. She even said that " real love is when you have someone who can get your dookie bubble out (referring to Mr. Brown manually lending a "helping hand" in assisting to remove the then Mrs. Houston-Browns constipation "pebble") ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!!!! Um.. Well.. Yeah.. All that singing about "They'll never take away my dignity"... yeah.. you can't take away what you throw away. But then .. she fell in love with someone who got her into crack and Hollywood loved to help her setup her own public disaster.. but she chose her adult path and one could speculate she probably ( most likely ) has her regrets.. but then again it's her life.. She's been "an adult" now for quite sometime and she too can't go back and correct it. BUT - She CAN live a better life for herself if she now so chooses. That's one huge thing that keeps us going and makes life worth living.
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't to be proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Enigma says it well...Innocence... We all grow up and fantasize about how simple life was when we were young and "innocent" or "if only i could go back in time and do it all over again with the knowledge i have now". We say this in remembrance of what it was like to have this "innocence" and "our lives before us" along with our natural obsession for our lives to be "perfect"... There's just no such thing as a perfect life and until that truth is accepted and understood to its entirety, some peoples "lives" will just get worse. Let's face it, we all are on the everlasting quest for happiness.. to "find ourselves" and to better our lives ALWAYS. When things aren't going so well, we wonder if it's because we're not doing something right and we question and judge ourselves and others around us because we demand a change, a better alternative and because we can "always tell when something is wrong". But i wonder why we have to experience things over and over before we can see things as they REAL-ly are. The answer to that is pretty simple.It's mostly because of hope or chance, or the "what ifs".
While the selflessness of some who put aside their own feelings in order for another to be happy is kind and thoughtful, they aren't being real to themselves. The question is, "Who's doing those things for you?" Most people are kind and selfless because they want someone to be that way with them.. and not because of the whole" do unto other's as you'd have them do unto you " bit, but they believe they are this way "naturally". This is a lot of times because the person is projecting the image they prefer to be known as their ideal selves but it becomes who "that person IS" to others. To individuals like this, if others believe in them as a certain way and the individual surrounds themselves with these "others", then the individual can accept themselves as whatever that which the others accept them as and it becomes "real"to them. A lot of people care too much about what others think to where they're always trying so hard to conceal their true self by projecting an image that they aren't...i.e. not being real to themselves.. People who do this almost always are the one's who do not grasp what it actually means to love themselves. They get too wrapped up in emotions of fear and rejection that they force themselves to hide behind their ideal projected image because it's what is accepted and "known" or understood by the people they are investing their time in or with. They usually spend all their time apologizing when the least little thing doesn't seem to be peachy keen between the person they're involved with at the time and themselves.. or the ideal self they're trying to project. The apology is never even needed, wanted or even deserved because the person receiving the apology hasn't been offended or hurt.. But the one apologizing gets so lost at times between their real feelings and the ones they cover them up with that they feel as if the one they're apologizing to can see right through them- When in reality, ( or the other's reality i should say ), they haven't "seen" them (the real them) in the first place. This usually gets them into an emotional mess filled with negative feelings of hate, worthlessness, loneliness, not to mention a plethora of other self destructive emotions because of the huge contradiction between their own real self and their ideal image. Unfortunately we all have to go through our own "situations" to learn these things.. We don't want to listen to anyone else because our deep emotions and feelings that we perceive are in fact real and no one knows more than we do about our emotions than us. That's pride. We are all human and we all go through similar feelings .. The situations may differ but people and their actions to certain types of behavior are usually based on simple reactive personality traits and this human language is universal. Everything we are is based upon what experiences we have had up until current, and we will never cease to learn new things or new perspectives... The way I look at it all to help me make my decisions is that i ask myself a question.. (also keep in mind I'm aware that i do love and care about myself enough to help myself more easily make some of my decisions). The question is this: Do I care more about getting what i want out of life because i deserve it, or do i possibly wait or put my life on hold in "hopes" or "what ifs" while baring in my mind the possibility of finding out later that I wasted so many chances on my own personal happiness and then the even bigger picture is that i wasted more of my precious life's time on doing so.. and the ULTIMATE WORST.. you can NEVER get that back. That permanence so-to-speak and surety is what makes it so easy for me to find clarity in my "what ifs". Of course it's also helpful to know that i feel confident that I'm truly loved as i have been lucky enough to be united in a deep loving and growing relationship with the same person for quite some time now... That love that we have learned to believe in more than anything along with our own personal confidences and knowledge of our worth ( and for me strictly because i love myself ) has been proven to be REAL.
One could have a perspective that in my "fear" of wasting my life, i can easily chose. Life's all about perspective... We all want to return to innocence, to have love prevail, to have our "special perfectly matched picked from heaven other half" to come home to, to FEEL loved and appreciated the specific way that we idealize. People just need to ask themselves where they get those ideals. If the answer is from what you've seen on a movie or television show or from your perspective based on "word of mouth" in others you may "look up to" , etc.. then there you go - your answer LIES before you. It's not real. It's not our fault that most of us were brought up in a society where the television is your babysitter. In fact it all starts out when we're really young for most of us ( when our deepest emotion we can remember feeling is our "connection" to our mother ). We don't really comprehend why but we know we do feel sadness when our parents are not close by... who wouldn't? Every time we get hurt, we get kissed, hugged or babied... We're read fantasy story books (without understanding what a "fantasy" really is ) and told of a man named Santa Claus , the tooth fairy, etc... It's no wonder we all love to compare reality when it effects us negatively to those feelings of "loving life when we were young"and that a lot of us are so co-dependent on others for our happiness. Well of course you loved life then, and besides what kind of person would you be if you lacked that imagination? It's not our fault that shows and movies manipulate our feelings for their own profit. It's sad. We grow up to learn that we live in a world full of beauty and at the same time so much ugliness has always been there but our parents tried to keep it away from us... and parent's are human too, so you can't blame them for not helping you understand your feelings and what's real and what's ideal. Ultimately you learn to understand what they mean when they say they just wanted what was best for you. That's beautiful. That's LOVE with beautiful intentions. Even if any part of their love is based upon their own selfish wants to live their life over again through you, It's still Real...and in the end.. Real is all that matters. It is ok to make mistakes, & ok to be weak as long as you know how to overcome it with your own strength.. If you're living, then you've found your strength. Don't give up your chance to have what you need for your own happiness. Don't dare to say you love yourself and then allow others to repetitively hurt you by not letting them know how it affects you. By being able to accept that you will make mistakes and that not only is it ok to do so, but part of human nature as well, you will be able to speak what's on your mind. In doing this, you will gain confidence you need and the respect you deserve from the one's that matter. What other's think about your choices matter only if it doesn't matter to you about your choices. Life is way to short to waste it and much more precious than that. It will go on without you in it, so it's up to you to decide what you want to do with your feelings and your health and well being. As cliche and gay flowers and lacy hearts as it sounds, Whitney said it best herself, "learning to love yourself is the Greatest love of all." Too bad she smoked so much crack with Bobby Brown in her life that it made her forget about that.. She even said that " real love is when you have someone who can get your dookie bubble out (referring to Mr. Brown manually lending a "helping hand" in assisting to remove the then Mrs. Houston-Browns constipation "pebble") ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!!!! Um.. Well.. Yeah.. All that singing about "They'll never take away my dignity"... yeah.. you can't take away what you throw away. But then .. she fell in love with someone who got her into crack and Hollywood loved to help her setup her own public disaster.. but she chose her adult path and one could speculate she probably ( most likely ) has her regrets.. but then again it's her life.. She's been "an adult" now for quite sometime and she too can't go back and correct it. BUT - She CAN live a better life for herself if she now so chooses. That's one huge thing that keeps us going and makes life worth living.
3.01.2007
Disgusting Creatures.
Monkeys.. They are hilarious. So closely resembling humans with their actions, seemed feelings, and facial expressions, etc... they crack me up! Once on a hot humid summer afternoon while visiting the Busch Gardens theme park in Tampa, my friend and i were watching the baboons. As you could expect, there was the usual mother baboon carrying her baby baboonette and some are eating the head lice out of the others hair and etc., BUT one sad little reclusive wild-haired thing had his/her back to the viewing glass sitting there showing off its disgusting ripe red spongy protruding bubbly tumor-esque cluster mound of a fanny (resembling a flamingo-pink colored mess of what looked like that spray-foam used in homes for insulation)... It actually backed it's baboon ass up against the glass and all you saw was this putrid, breathing deep dirty crevice hole open up releasing wet steam on the glass.. Me and my friend lost it!!!! It was by far the most gross and vulgar display of monkey action I'd ever seen.. Worse than the time we saw this cute little capuchin monkey flinging his nay-nay pebbles at the on-lookers... The best part was that as soon as he released his "air", his stupid little baboon head turned almost all the way around and looked at us and opened his mouth open wide to show his yellowed carefree teeth and gums while flaring his baboon nostrils as if to say "Ahhhhh!!!! Soooo very very very fresh!!!" and since that day, i can never look at a baboon and take them seriously as an interesting respectable living animal. They are so nasty.
Another sad primate creature is the proboscis monkey. They have little pointy noses that turn into huge bulbous phallic honkers the size of well.. you get the drift.. They make me laugh.. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really do hold a huge respect for every other living thing .. I just also have a very broad and different sense of humor and they make me laugh... Oh shut-up. If you were there, you'd laugh at them too. =)
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